Catch Me As I Fall
by BoundLight
Summary: When Sam and Dean find out how Castiel has been finding new sources of engergy they are livid. Warnings inside


I began writing this after "My Heart Will Go On" and after last nights episode I began freaking out that the series would change the world of this story before I had the chance to tell it. So here you go! My take on how this season will end.

One warning for the story, though I feel it is a major story spoiler. Ready? Major Character Death ahead.

Also: You can read any pairing into this. I am typically a Dean/Cas girl, but if you really wanted to you could find Balphazar/Cas here too!

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><p>Castiel surveyed his army. They looked good. They may not have been as large as Raphael's army, but they were stronger. They were faster. Watching them he could almost feel hope surging in his veins. He felt proud.<p>

Castiel frowned as his grace flared. It was odd; someone was summoning him. He closed his eyes and opened his wings.

When he opened his eyes he found himself in the middle of a deserted warehouse. Outside he could hear seagulls calling and the subtle sound of water pushing against cement. He turned and saw Bobby, Sam and Dean standing a few feet away, flanking a small alter. Bobby glanced at Castiel quickly and cleared his throat, turning away. His soul reeked of guilt. Confused Castiel turned to the brothers. Sam's soul was awash in sadness, but there was a hard edge to it. Dean's soul was angered. Somewhere deep inside there was the same guilt the colored Bobby's.

Castiel's head fell to the side. "Why didn't you pray for –"

"Is it true, Cas?" Dean interrupted harshly.

Castiel's eyes narrowed and saw the accusation hanging in Dean's mind. He squared his shoulders. "It was necessary."

"They're people!"

"This is war."

"They're _human beings!_"

"Yes, Dean. They are. They are alive and well. What do you think will happen to them if Raphael wins?"

"If he _wins_? What's happening to them _now_?"

Castiel's eyes dropped. "I admit, it is not… ideal…"

"You're siphoning their _souls_ for energy!" Dean snarled. "You're… you're… _feeding _on them!"

"We needed the energy boost for the battle with Raphael, it was the only way."

"The only way my ass, Cas! You could have done something else! You could have found a way!"

"_No_, Dean. This –"

"No, Cas. I can't let you do this. You've become a monster! You're no better than the things we hunt!"

Castiel paused. There was something about Dean's stance. Something… familiar. His eyes traced down Dean's form as he truly _looked_ at the hunter, in a way he'd never felt he'd needed to before. When he found it, he felt something settle in his grace. Castiel looked up at Dean, resigned. "Is that why you have that knife?"

Dean drew the slender silver blade from beneath his coat, his fingers wrapping around it tightly. "We can't let you keep hurting those people, Cas."

"Dean." Castiel said softly.

"I'm sorry, Cas."

Dean lunged.

He expected Cas to fight, to dodge, to start promising to stop, or hell, to _run_. They hadn't used the holy oil specifically for that purpose. He _wanted_ Castiel to run. He wanted anything more than what actually happened.

Castiel looked at him, his eyes full of adoration and devotion, and he opened his arms, accepting whatever Dean decided to dole out.

The knife sank into the angel's flesh easily, energy cracking from the wound as light flared hot and white, drowning out the world. Dean's eyes were forced to close, but his arms searched out blindly, wrapping around Castiel, catching him as he fell to the floor. When the light cleared Castiel's eyes stared sightlessly at the ceiling and beautiful black feathers crisscrossed the floor, marking where his wings lay.

The silence that followed was deafening. Dean glanced over his shoulder at Sam and Bobby. He winced when Bobby turned away and slowly walked out of the building into the sunlight beyond. He paused by a beaten up old pick up truck and covered his eyes with his hand. Dean swallowed and dropped his eyes to the being in his arms. He half expected Castiel's hand to come up and pull the blade out; chastise him for thinking his death would be this easy. Maybe remind him of God's place in all this. Something. Anything other than just laying there in silence as his blood began to pool on the floor. When he became certain that his angel was truly gone he reached out a hand, ignoring the shake that ran through it, and closed Castiel's eyes.

"You bastard." Dean jerked when a rough hand fisted in his collar and threw him back against the wall.

"Dean!" Sam shouted, leaping to help his brother up.

"Oh, Cassy." Balthazar murmured, dropping to his knees and pulling his brother into his arms. He pressed his lips Castiel's forehead and whispered soft words in Enochian.

Dean slowly got to his feet and brushed Sam's hands off his arm. He kept his eyes on Balthazar's back, watching him gently rock his brother back and forth, willing, as Dean had done, that Castiel would defy everything and come back, maybe explain everything to the hunters, before taking off with them in another adventure to save the world. He had to get up. This wasn't the way the angel was supposed to die. He should have run, why didnt he run? He wouldn't have stayed if he knew he would die, right? He had a plan, right? Dean swallowed and stared at Castiel's limp hand hanging between his and Balthazar's body.

"Dean." Sam tore his eyes away from his brother. He couldn't keep looking at his blank mask, his bloody hands clenching and unclenching unconsciously at his sides. Instead he looked at Balthazar. The angel's hands moved continuously over Castiel's still body, sometimes tracing out into the air over parts of his friend that only he could see, other times latching back into his coat, his shirt, his hair, as though searching for something, some sign his brother was still alive in there. Almost absently Sam wondered if Balthazar would cry, or if that was something too human to expect from an angel of the lord. He wondered if Castiel would have cried in his place. He was shaken from his thoughts when light tremors ran across Balthazar's back. Sam was almost morbidly fascinated to find that he was laughing.

"Oh, you have no idea what you've done, do you?" Balthazar said. "None at all. You've killed something beautiful here today and you don't even know what you've done."

"He was –"

"I _know_ what he was doing. What do you think this is? A game? You think Raphael is just going to let you humans get away with your lives? Ha."

Sam looked desperately at his brother, but Dean wouldn't meet his eyes. "Well, maybe we can help." Sam said.

"Help?" For the first time since his arrival Balthazar looked at them. "You think we _want_ your help? You just _killed_ our General. The war is over. We lost. You took the one angel who truly _believed_ in our Father, who was willing to fight for what was right and you tore him down. Do you think _any _angel is going to want your help? Do you think any of us would trust you? Castiel gave up everything for you. Ever since the beginning. Do you have any idea what re education is like? They tortured him. For you. And then he turned around and gave up heaven for you anyway. So they killed him. God may have brought him back, but they still killed him. Then, when God finally showed himself, showed that he still cared enough to intervene, like a little fool, he gave up his home, his family, his friends, just to be with you two. And you thanked him by treating him like a dog." Balthazar ran a hand through his brothers hair. "He became human for you. He challenged Lucifer for you. He was killed, yet again, for you. He never gave up on you, he never lost faith, and in return you decide you have the right to take away his life once more. Nothing he could do was ever going to be good enough for you was it?"

"That's not fair." Sam said. "We were his friends."

"His friends? You only called on him when you needed him. You never once prayed for him."

"We prayed." Dean murmured.

Balthazar gently set Castiel down and stood, a wide grin on his face. "Ah yes. Dear Castiel, get your feathery ass down here. Dear Castiel, we need you. Those aren't prayers children. You knew he was involved in a civil war. You knew. Yet you expected him to drop everything and help you whenever you wanted. You never prayed for him to find strength, or for his safety, no, you prayed that he would put you first." Balthazar glanced at Castiel. "And he always did." He looked up. "Did you know he always watched out for you?" He laughed fondly. "He never trusted the rest of us. He made sure that nothing truly bad would ever happen to you. He made sure nothing would ever actually manage to kill you. He made sure all of us angels gave you a wide berth, you know, a 'mess with them and you mess with me' kind of thing. He was very territorial about you two."

Dean's brow furrowed. "Crowley…"

"Notice he never did actually hurt you."

"He held Sam's soul hostage."

"He didn't hold Sam's body hostage. And really," Balthazar frowned with distaste, "we all still think that was a bad idea. That wall is going to break. It was beyond cruel and reckless to put that thing back into his body."

"_He _was working with that evil dick!"

Balthazar nodded and returned to his brother's side, stooping briefly to lift him up, tucking Castiel close against his chest. "I know. They both had the same goal: to let you mud monkeys live. To let the world keep turning. Neither of them wanted the apocalypse. And you know what's funny? If it had been _your_ idea, Castiel here would have done everything in his power to help you." He moved quickly, brushing past the brothers as he made his way out into the light.

"Where are you going?" Sam called after him.

"To let the others know what's happened." Balthazar paused a few feet from Bobby. He locked eyes with the hunter's. "If you lot summon me again, I will kill you." There was a rustling of wings and he was gone.

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><p>Right, that didnt turn out exactly as I intended for it to, but I hope you liked it anyway. Review, please?<p> 


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